Self-Introduction
Subject: Self Introduction
Dear Prof Brad,
My name is Clement Low, I studied Computer Engineering in Temasek Polytechnic which lead me to further my studies in Robotics System Engineering(RSE) in SIT.
My reason I joined RSE was due to my final year of polytechnic where I participated in World Skills Singapore, Mobile Robotics. In that competition I widen my knowledge in robotics and the possibilities it can actually achieve, thus applied for RSE as one of my choices.
I have interest in coding or anything that has electricity running through it. Recently got into smart home gadgets like Google Home, smart switches and sensors. Its an advantage when you are able to install these devices yourself and make modifications due to what you learn in school. Always makes me feel like what I learn is useful in this fast progressing country and will be in the future.
In terms of communication skills, I think I do not have issue speaking to an audience but there are key things that i find important and always worth listening to other's experience to learn from them. Things like body language, flow of content, varied intonation and presentation with associated slides are key skills that take a lot of practice to achieve. Thus I am always interested in these topics as without opportunity to present, watching others do so is the next best way to learn.
On the other side of communication is the written aspect. I simply don't enjoy typing long essays, the idea of it bores me. This could be related to my limited knowledge of vocabularies and ability to make the essay engaging to readers. The flow and content of the essays are another problem i face, where I tend to keep pointers short and find it insufficient at the end of writing it. There isn't a good gauge of how much to write or if this flow of content is correct.
This sums up the problems I know of and is working on, hopefully I gain more insight from communication lesson.
Regards,
Clement Low
Dear Clement,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this detailed letter. I appreciate learning about your fascination with 'electricity' and your interest in being useful. You also document your communication strength and weakness very well.
The main issue in this post is language use, in particular verb tense, sentence structure and tone.
1. language issues
-- My name is Clement Low, I studied Computer Engineering in Temasek Polytechnic which lead me to further my studies in Robotics System Engineering(RSE) in SIT. > (comma splice, verb tense, accuracy)
My name is Clement Low. I studied Computer Engineering in Temasek Polytechnic, which led me to further my studies in the Robotics Systems Engineering(RSE) programme in SIT.
-- In that competition I widen my knowledge in robotics and the possibilities it can actually achieve, thus applied for RSE as one of my choices. > (verb tense, comma splice) ?
--- Recently got into smart home gadgets like Google Home, smart switches and sensors. > (fragment)
>
-- Always makes me feel like what I learn is useful in this fast progressing country and will be in the future. (fragment)
-- I simply don't enjoy typing long essays, the idea of it bores me. > (comma splice)
-- vocabularies > ?
- This sums up the problems I know of and is working on, hopefully I gain more insight from communication lesson. > (subject-verb agreement, comma splice)
2. audience awareness/level of formality
-- Its an advantage when you are able to install these devices yourself and make modifications due to what you learn in school. > (The use of 'you' makes it seem you are speaking to me.)
Let's review this and revise. You're a future engineer, and this English language challenge should not stand in your way. As the old saying goes: It ain't rocket science.
I look forward to working with you.
Best wishes,
Brad
Content and organization of the letter seem appropriate, however a few suggestions I have for language used.
ReplyDeleteThe starting of your second paragraph 'My reason I joined...' is incorrect; it could be rephrase to 'My reason for joining...' or straight to the point 'I joined RSE...'. The first part of the second paragraph was explaining the reason behind your choice, therefore, ending the paragraph with 'thus applied for RSE as one of my choices' seem repeatative.
Learn should be 'learnt' -- past participle, in your third paragraph. Also, I felt that the last sentence of the third paragraph should be 'what I have learnt...' instead. In fourth paragraph, it seem like it would sound more appropriate if an 'an' is added infront of the word 'opportunity'.
-Clarissa